somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
