can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
