Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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