He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
