If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
