well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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