His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
