You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
