I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
