guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.