He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it