Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.