I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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