Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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