Texts From Last Night

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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.

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  (520): I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs. http://tfl.nu/cv5b
  Replies (5) Good night (3592) Bad night (830)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.

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  (253): I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy. http://tfl.nu/efip
  Replies (12) Good night (1020) Bad night (3188)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

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  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9872) Bad night (1115)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5918) Bad night (1050)
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  (310): View more from California

  Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.

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  (310): Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly. http://tfl.nu/9x6b
  Replies (12) Good night (4751) Bad night (870)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.

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  (571): you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were. http://tfl.nu/2fw7
  Replies (5) Good night (2421) Bad night (880)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country

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  (210): Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country http://tfl.nu/te1e
  Replies (9) Good night (4374) Bad night (1201)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.

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  (731): Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us. http://tfl.nu/v50h
  Replies (6) Good night (2977) Bad night (783)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding

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  (541): Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding http://tfl.nu/9api
  Replies (3) Good night (664) Bad night (1448)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.

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  (503): I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too. http://tfl.nu/alyx
  Replies (5) Good night (2357) Bad night (623)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?

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  (303): How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads? http://tfl.nu/o7ne
  Replies (10) Good night (1700) Bad night (581)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.

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  (807): The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome. http://tfl.nu/ll5l
  Replies (1) Good night (1369) Bad night (450)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being

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  (904): Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being http://tfl.nu/rzj7
  Replies (1) Good night (643) Bad night (540)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Fuhga

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Thank you.

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  (250): The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive. (905): Fuhga (250): Thank you. http://tfl.nu/3pok
  Replies (3) Good night (1547) Bad night (710)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.

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  (406): That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol. http://tfl.nu/ierd
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (225)

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