she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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