do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
