I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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