Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
