i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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