Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
