I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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