you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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