turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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