Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
