The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
