I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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