So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
