My nipple is on Facebook.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
