Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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