plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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