I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
