They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
wow bdsm is so cute
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
