I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize