We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want to make out with him forever
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
