At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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