Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
