So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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