The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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