pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this boner is exhausting
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
