Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
