o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In America we eat man semen.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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