areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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