Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I want is dick and wine.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
