We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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