I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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