dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
