i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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