Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
