he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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