i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
