Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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