ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize