hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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