she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
