Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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