So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird