i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel