he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
