Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
