what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
