need another drink. this is the easiest way
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
