Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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