Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
