Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
