Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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