I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
