FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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