Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
