Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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