She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
