6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
