If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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