You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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