How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
