Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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