I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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