Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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