I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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