My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
