oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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