I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
