well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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