we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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