So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
