my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
