He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
