Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
