i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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