My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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