i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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