There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
