Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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